Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
