I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
