where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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