just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Pants are for mortals
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
