My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize