I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
