he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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