Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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