after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
