2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
home. puking in laundry basket.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
