How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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