you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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