...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize