You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
this hospital has no fireball
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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