So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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