I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize