but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
