I am puke
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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