Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
