i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
