Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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