Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
