Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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