How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
