and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
