Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
