is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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