I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize