currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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