i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize