Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
