i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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