I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
