Where did you get a picture of my penis
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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