Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
