Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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