I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So here I am, sexting at work.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
