I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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