thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
