im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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