I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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