his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
