Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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