im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
