did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize