have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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