Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my being single is dangerous.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
