Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can Purell be used as lube?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
