Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
