obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
