I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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