Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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