Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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