is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
