Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He? As in you personified your dick?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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