I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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