You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
