It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
