i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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