i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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