Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
