I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
