if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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