Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You have to summon your inner elephant
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
