Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize