i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
