well I can't set my house on fire every night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
