Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize