I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
