Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i now understand why vodka
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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