i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
