For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize