I can tuck mytits in my pants
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize