you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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