Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
