She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Alive.
So much puke
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
