i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
