I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
